The Art of Getting In Your Own Way

My boyfriend Drew told me something the other day that I had already known but didn’t want to admit:
He said that I had a habit of getting in my own way.

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This was after he had floated the suggestion of teaching me how to ride an electric unicycle, a skill I’ve been wanting to pick up, at 7 PM that night. I had pushed away the idea and pointed out that the sun would be setting soon, and wouldn’t it be better to try when we weren’t racing against the clock? There was just over an hour until sunset and it would only take us about 40 minutes. Learning how to ride would open up an entirely new world of possibilities for me. I wanted to give it my utmost attention and didn’t know how long the learning session would be. But I was also absolutely creating boundaries for myself by giving an excuse to do it another time.

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Quarantine Helped Me Learn How To Cook

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Growing up in a household with a mom who LOVED to cook, I never felt the need to learn myself.

Although it pleased my mom immensely on the days when I would offer to assist her in the kitchen, I didn’t pick up any skills beyond the basics – how to boil water, fry an egg, or build a sandwich.

This was enough to get me through college, but now as a mid-to-late 20’s adult, having dried noodles for every meal just doesn’t cut it anymore. I realized it was time to take one of the final big steps into adulthood – so I put some pants on (I work from home, what can I say?) and got to cooking.

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2AM Catharsis

Five years ago, if you told me where I would be today, I would be devastated.

My final year of college, I wanted so badly, more than anything, to become a successful content creator on YouTube. So many years before that, when I was just 12 years old and handed my very first camcorder, I wanted to do BIG things with it.

I recorded and edited hours upon hours of footage – music videos, dance videos, cover videos, sketches, video game dubs – anything you can imagine. From middle school on, all of my school projects were presented on a projector screen. Each and every production starring me. That sounds a little self-involved, and maybe it was. But I would have such great boosts of inspiration, and in those moments I would create these pieces entirely on my own, and when I had finished I would watch them back and absolutely glow. Things weren’t perfect, and at times I hated myself to my core – but looking at the things I made, I couldn’t help but beam with pride. Making videos was all that I was proud of and all that I was passionate about. When other areas of my life were crumbling, I found sanctuary in creating.

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5 Mobile Games I Accidentally Got Addicted To

As you may know from my previous blog post “Making A Move”, I just spent the last few weeks putting my life on hold to move to a new house. During the move, while my PC and consoles were packed away, not being able to play games was like torture. I had never been much of a mobile game fan, only dabbling occasionally when I had nothing better to do, but this time I was desperate. So I loaded up Google Play, downloaded a handful of games – and a whole new world opened up to me!

Some people would say that mobile games don’t count as “real games,” but screw that – these things kept me sane when I had nothing else to play, and that makes them about as real as they can get.

So here’s a list of mobile games that I can’t stop playing even after the move, and why you should play them too!

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Making A Move

In October 2017, I uprooted my life and moved to Canada.

Stepping off the plane in Ontario, I had very little to my name. A couple of boxes of clothes, some dishes and a few linens… almost everything I knew had to be left behind. My possessions were turned away at the border, and so I was forced to start again.

We began to build from the bottom. Our first week we ate on the stairs, so we bought some stools for the island. Having nowhere to spend our downtime, we decided to purchase a couch. Towels and candles and a funny calendar of Justin Trudeau later, we had all the beginnings of a home. Yet after months and months of trying to make myself comfortable and happy in this new place, it still never felt quite right.

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Imposter Syndrome 2: Electric Boogaloo

Knowing people who are content creators, often times I wonder if my perceived value as a friend and person hinges on the things I make – or rather, the things I DON’T make. During periods of inactivity, I notice that the support from my peers begins to dwindle. Sometimes it feels like I’m not worth talking to at all. I become frustrated and disappointed with myself when I can’t take time to create. So when it seems like those I consider friends don’t view me as valuable unless I’m creating – regardless of whether or not that’s true – it reaffirms all of the negative feelings I already have towards myself as a creator.

I believe I am worthy of the same love and support that I try to give my peers and friends daily. Yet as soon as I take a break from creating, a switch flips and my brain begins to tell me the opposite.

It’s a strange new breed of imposter syndrome.

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